Try to explain to the other person what you need and why rather than what the problem is. Example:

Problem

“You don't come in until 9pm during the week.”

Need

“I want you to come home early enough to prepare your stuff for school and get a decent night sleep.”

Try and see the situation from the other person’s shoes. Example:

Person 1

“There are certain rules if you’re living under my roof that you need to follow.”

Person 2

“I would like to be able to make my own decisions about stuff. I’m old enough to decide when to turn my phone off at night.”

Ask questions and explain how you feel. Example:

“I don’t want you going on Facebook late at night because…..”

“Does this make sense?”

“Can you explain what you feel would be reasonable?”

Consider lots of options to solve the problem.

Problem

“I’m constantly on at them to keep their room tidy. Why can’t they just do as I ask them?!”

Alternatives

Consider what “tidy” means. People have different ideas about what this could mean. It’s important for young people to have a space that’s their own. Lots of parents and carers expect a certain level of tidiness. For example, dirty clothes not left on the floor, clean clothes put away, and rubbish emptied.’